Often times an ostrich moment is one where we just wanna stick our heads into a hole because we are just too embarrassed. Ever wonder if there is an emo ostrich that sticks its head into the soil because it is wallowing in self pity? is that how emus came about? The emu is emo.

If i could be an animal, i'd be a hermit, hiding in my own shell doing my own thing, but i guess it gets pretty lonely in there, at least i have the other hermits that feel me.

Sometimes i think to myself, am i socially inapt? am i a boring person to hang around? do i really have true friends? am i being a good enough friend? How much more can i do or how much more is expected? can i live up to expectations? who am i? i wonder...

hiding so no one sees

It's just interesting how many times issues are so trivial yet we as humans put so much thought into it that it becomes something so complicated. A simple matter with some emotions added, some warped opinion often results in a huge ball of mess.

Is that why now we try to be simple, we shut ourselves out?

Many dreams, many things we want to achieve but often we are subjected to opinions of people around us, the temptation of luxury and being caught in this human rat race. Purity of heart, soul and mind will give us much faith to achieve what we set out to achieve but how many times are we able to block out other thoughts and truly focus on that one.

It's sad to see that there are so many people out there suffering in poverty. Global awareness is probably not the issue, the issue at the moment is probably ignorance. I am quite sure people do know of poverty but how many people really think about it and believe that they can do something about it. In a self centred world like the one we live in, even just talking to someone who is different from the main crowd is considered a good deed. Many times we look at the actions of people around us and think "i can never do that, i really admire that person for____". I guess it's a matter of perspective, why can't we just see that if someone else can do it, we can do it too. Sure we are all made different but I don't believe we are made to be self centred or to be bad. That is not planned, it is under the influence and cynicism of the world that we slowly take steps back and never ever want to entertain those nice thoughts. It's sad that even the choice to take steps back is one that is self centred, although it can be seen as a form of self protection.

Oh well.. studying has taken its toll on me and I really just wanna sit in the garden and just think about stuff. A little reflection won't harm, but complicating things would be potentially dangerous. I want to pursue my dream but the many obstacles in the way can be deterring and sometimes i doubt if this dream is from You. Help me please.

sometimes i wish the world was a simple place.. or rather that i didn't think that much.
many times i wanna break out of this rejection, but most of the time i fiind myself succumbing to it.
thinking positive to keep myself going works but often times i hit a really low point as i take time to just think bout stuff.
why is it that i am here? an answer i know and i always tell myself but do i REALLY believe it?
sometimes i wished i never achieved so i would be happy with what i have, but i can't help but want to be achieving.
sometimes i wished i never grew up in a meritocratic society, but then again, i can't help it.
sometimes i wonder why i am working so hard, whether it's all worth the hard work and this gets me all the time. i just wanna give it all up.
often times i see how many ppl has wishes come true and that makes me wonder, what have i done to not have anything i really want.
sometimes i wonder what exactly i am called to do.

and now of all times, i need to stop thinking so much.

Ever wondered if you were weened away from your parents since you were the age of about 7? placed under crazy dictatorship and then break free at the cost of never returning home then finally seeing your parents once again after SUPER LONG? The nightmares about killings, deaths, shame, humiliation.

I really do admire the mother who stood up for herself and her child. How can we blame a parent for bad upbringing when the child was taken away from her at a super young age? mmmm sth to think about..

It's just sad watching all these oppressed people waiting to break free. Sometimes it only takes one with courage to step out of the cycle to make a statement and to let others realize that they have been living in delusion. Time to embrace the real world yo!

Just a simple thought, are we willing to be that courageous one to be different in this society that values money and material? Are we willing to in a way start a revolution? How much does it take and how much are we willing to give?

Something on friday night by matt got me thinking... what really belongs to you. time? belongs to God. money? belongs to God. talents? belongs to God. and the list goes on..
It's interesting to take a step back and really think about how we've been so stingy bout these things that are freely given to us. Since that has been on my mind, i took a HUGE step of faith and I hope God delivers me through..

Today in church, the message was about courage, many times we do know what we are suppose to do and we do want to reach those destinies but often times we back out, chicken out. I want to fulfill my destiny, I want to know clearly what it is. I want to be courageous. Many uncertainties ahead, many choices in life to make but this will never end, what choice is made will someday reward us if we made the right choice and the wrong ones will haunt us for life. However, whether or not we let the bad choices haunt us is a choice in itself. OVERWHELMING CHOICES!!!

I want to do what is right and I want to dream again, believe again and fulfill that destiny. God, help me.

As a friend rightly says, "life is simple but people make things complicated." It's so true that life is actually made simple just that we as human cannot help but complicate matters.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Right now i wish i didn't have a choice and things were just fixed. It's when choices are made available that humans show their true self and end up complicating matters.

Wouldn't it be nice to just be happy everyday not having to think about serious issues, not having to deal with problems thrown at you, not having to deal with internal struggles, not having to live a roller coaster life?

I wish i didn't have to deal with all these emotions and that i can return to being my old rational self, less emotional and just living in my own world.

Being deaf is actually a good thing sometimes especially when you don't have to listen to things you don't want to hear.

Sometimes it's good to just keep silent.

First birthday overseas, though nice to receive many wishes and having many people to celebrate with.. i miss having the company of the four of you.. as i sat there in the restaurant, i really wished you guys were there with me. I know things were not intentional but i guess at that time emotions got the better of me. Not that much that people weren't really there but i really was missing you guys.. i hope you know who you are.. Sometimes even when you stand in a crowd, you really feel all alone and isolated from the world. Possibly how i felt today. Some disappointments in life but i won't let it get me!

I guess it's not just the birthday part that was bad but i said things i shouldn't have said.. can't really take those back.. just gotta put them behind and look forward. I don't really know how it really affects our friendship but i'm quite sure it has a significant influence. oh well...

I guess this is the best i can ask for. I am really glad that there are people i actually can spend time with today amidst these small little wrecky things.

Totally embarrassed myself yesterday at the petrol kiosk with my $1.60 worth of petrol.. hahahha how i wish they had ppl to pump petrol for you here.. high labour cost=((( oh well... cell retreat was extremely fun and it was great that we all did things spontaneously and with much enthusiasm... i sure learnt sth about food.. not to put in too much effort because it really doesn't really matter.. it's the company=))

The hols are coming to an end=(( it's so sad.. i wish i had more time to just relax.. i wish i didn't have school.. i wish that i was back home... i guess this is me being slighly home sick.. bahh...

i miss all my friends.. shuj, litz, siya, pong... i miss all of you!!! i hope we talk soon...

several things on my mind.. i really just wanna take time off and just go around and admire the scenery and enjoy nice weather... watching life go by... i crave serenity..

When everything seems to be wrong, it's time to refocus.. vision is getting fuzzy and we just need new glasses to see the world better.. i need to put on new glasses to see things better, in a different perspective, a clear one.

i wanna go home=( sometimes i wish i didn't have to come here. i'd rather be somewhere else in the world or even back home.

If only....

" you have been blessed, so do your best to bless God"

How simple yet we seem to never apply it...

God the builder, CAN HE FIX IT?
God the builder, YES HE CAN!

Hmm.. just randomly bob the builder came to my mind and incidentally, God the builder sounds so right and so true.. Indeed God, the builder of our lives can fix anything and everything that's wrong=) Trust.

wouldn't it be nice if the world was cadbury, driving in a car would be a tasty treat, changing gear would soon become a problem, cadbury dairy milk is so good to eat...

wouldn't it be nice if life was all sweet, creamy and chocolatey and exciting. Hmm.. but i guess at times when all is going smoothly and seemingly wonderful, something appears and we can't change gears in time and we crash. That's how accidents happen, at the most unexpected time, when we are in a state of satisfaction and laid back coz we think all is going well.. mmmm always be ready i suppose. Is it good to never be contented? I suppose, it is then where we are open to changes and all..

Looking around, sometimes we wish things were the same for ourselves but i guess everything in its time, no point rushing... highway is extremely dangerous and accident prone. When you are not careful, you will just crash, literally.

Completely unrelated, the medal yesterday, the first ever in a new sport=) i think i found some love in the sport! AHHAHA passion driven by performance? yes no maybe?

Hmm indeed the more you force yourself to do work over a short period of time, pressure builds up and then we feel stressed. What an apt principle of physics man!

So glad that this busy period is momentarily over but i know i have to gear up and start working hard for the following weeks. Time is passing extremely quickly!!

I wanna be a dreamer and I want You to show me how my dreams can be fulfilled.
Live your dream.

It's just interesting when we take a step back and actually think about things that happen around us. How a person is wired cannot be fully understood by another human being no matter how long we know that person or how close we are in terms of the information we share. Is it better to take things as it is and not think too much about it since in that case, there's no skepticism and hence lesser conflicts. But maybe it's just us to want to be retrospective, to relook at events and try to find faults with our simple reasoning. Sometimes doubt arise because of what others say and also because things just don't really seem to make sense and we don't really quite know how to explain it. Hmm... such is human nature. Humans are indeed difficult to read and definitely impossible to predict.

Increased contact with a person can lead to intimacy but i guess at times, increased contact increases exposure to danger such as conflict. Well.. really do have lots of things going on in my head. Some doubts and many uncertainties. Can one be absolutely objective in a situation where a close friend or relative is involved? I'm not entirely sure about that but I guess it boils down to trust and also faith.

What the year ahead holds for me, I don't really know but I want the best out of it and I know only You can help me through all these.

I don't really want to doubt you but circumstances cause me to...

Hmm just completed the jap drama 1 litre of tears. what an apt name. Well.. it's really quite a touching film but I guess there's more to the film than crying because it is oh-so-touching.

Well, so basically the lead actress has got spinocerebellar degeneration and hence from an athelete and a bright student, she slowly became bed-ridden and eventually died. Although she could barely speak or move, her cognitive processes were still functioning normally. One thing you can really see in that character is tenacity and the will to fight on. Though she did cave in at the end, amongst the many other down-lows she had, it really isn't easy. Throughout the show, she just kept thinking about the future, about how she can work towards the future and predicting how it'd be like. At the end of the day, she did realise that she should live for the present.

How true is that? Why do we keep living in the past or even trying to live for the future. Since we are now in the present, we ought to live IN the present. So many things we can be thankful about in life, even the fact that our heart is still beating. Death is a morbid topic that most people avoid but we do have to realise that someday we have to face it right? And many people want the assurance of going to a better place after death, after they leave the world of suffering. Can you be absolutely sure of where you'll go? I know I can be absolutely sure.

Another character in the drama, a male who had little hope in life and in saving lives, gradually changed as he observes the actions of the girl. Living out the truth indeed is a great way to testify!

Time and time again in the drama, the doctor in charge of the case has been asked or has asked the question "Why neurology?" or "Why be a doctor?" Well, I guess every doctor has their own reasons for becoming one. THe answer "To help people" may sound boring or overused but I think it is probably the truth for many. As I saw the doctor's concern for the patient and his determination to find a cure for this incurable disease. It really sets me thinking about what a career like that would entail and how fulfilling it can be yet at the same time, how devastating and discouraging it is to see that there's nothing one can do to help because we just do not know enough.

Is it true that the older we get, we seem to know lesser? Is that becasue we start to be skeptical? Or because we are just more capable of asking questions and crave for more certainty? Can there ever be absolute certainy?

Awesome and great God we all have=)) One answered prayer and I believe many more to come. Man of little faith I was, what a timely reminder. Thank God for all the wonderful ppl in urbs!!! Am deeply blessed=)

Today is the ultimate good food day=)) Breakfast at prive was SUPER good and the scenery made everything all the more better. Love you serene for bringing me to cool places!! ahaha but i will bring  you to good places next time=)) It's just nice to sit around and talk and just look at the beautiful sky, especially when the weather is extremely good. A lil too warm but i guess will do!

Tea at tea party was great! The company was what made it better. The scones are still super super good with the cream cheese that looks different but still tastes the same=) Saw ru as well. Hahaha it was amusing and interesting. Good bumping into ppl i haven't seen for really long, that includes many others i met this winter hols. Catching up with the bcm ppl was interesting. All the things we did, all the weird things we still do and all the school stories coming out. Cool stuff=))

Dinner at timbre was FILLING. All thanks to the sister who insisted on 3 pizzas. But oh well it's ok it's your bday anyway=)) Would love to go back to timbre again someday but mmmm next hols perhaps=)) Love hanging out with aiman because he's just so fun and cool. The birthday balloons and all. The surprise plan went super smoothly and i'm glad you enjoyed it sis=)) It's fun having bday surprises, even though it's planning for someone else. Satisfied=)

Actually, why do people celebrate birthdays. Hmm.. celebrating the fact that we are older? or celebrating the years we've spent on Earth? Maybe it's time to ask, what have we done that we can celebrate... hmmm just a thought. Oh well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH!!!

Hmm.. never thought i would say this but it's really tiring to be going out everyday!! It's nice to meet up with friends and talk about old times but i guess having limited time and cramping them altogether makes it rather tiring at times and also lesser time to spend with each group. Now we need to start on spending quality time. It is only times like these that we realise how precious time is and also how friendships forged can actually last. I am really glad that there are memories that we all share and all the stupid things we used to do seem to bond all of us together=))

So the few highlights of the past week, Singapore flyer with my dad! Hmm it was rather strange but I guess it was a nice evening spent with my parents trying stuff we've always wanted to try. The flyer is not too bad but i guess the company would matter. Perhaps when all the buildings are up the scenery might be better.

Then there was slepover at shuj's! It was really something i really looked forward to, meeting up with the same group of people, talking about everything and anything, doing gay stuffs, bullying pong, laughing at each other and all. Pictures will be up once they are developed. Gonna take quite a while. Sorry folks! So glad we all met up=))

Siya's birthday!! Well, before the high tea, i went yum cha with my parents. Mmmmm that day was indeed a day of non stop eating. The high tea at tanglin club was good and the conversations as well as spastic pictures taken, it's like those days in nj where we fool around at the round tables. Those were the days where we were carefree and really just enjoyed ourselves. Dinner at cousin's place was good, didn't know he was such a good chef. Nice catching up with them and actually having such activities together. Time to catch up with my maternal cousins, but there's just this different wavelength. Hmm......

Lots of stuff going on in my mind but at this point, i really wish for a day to kick back and relax. Hmm.. plus the weather is extremely unbearable. I would think that i will miss sg when i do go back to melb coz this one month has been rather good=) Thank God for all that!

So, it is rare that friday nights are not spent at uth in Singapore but at this point in time, I'm cool with that. Well, the night festival was rather disappointing at first but the pyrotechnics and fireworks totally made up for it. Didn't stay till the end but i would think the gigs wouldn't be all too bad. Sorry matt, couldn't keep you company=( Just too tired and perhaps jaded.

It's interesting how sometimes I just kinda sense something and feel that I should say something.. May seem nosy on my part but hmmm maybe it is just me. Hence the role in cell group, Gossip IC. Well, I am just glad that people do open up and all.. Very encouraging at times to know that you can actually be a listening ear. Really glad for that.

It's really amazing how events in life turn out differently from how we planned but in retrospect, it really all happened for a reason. I believe that getting to know the people through the various means have a certain purpose. And for that I really thank God.

Which brings me to this, many times Christians start using the phrase "Thank God" too flippantly and in doing that we are actually using God's name in vain. It is a phrase that many of us don't realise the misuse of it or the meaning of it and use it ever so often that it is a hypocritical usage. It is not just when we exclaim "Oh my God" or "Jesus!" that we use God's name in vain, but by saying thank God when we don't really thank Him for what happens is using his name in vain as well.. Hmm was really glad we talked bout this ytd. Really set me thinking and made me more careful with my words. Indeed there's much to learn from proverbs. Wise words can uphold someone but those spoken without much thoughts can stumble.

I think about many things and sometimes I wish i didn't think so much but at other times I am glad I actually bothered to think about stuff and make sense out of it.

Really glad that I have found a friend in you and that even though we don't really talk often or much in the past, we actually are rather comfortable talking to each other=) It was a good chat we had today and I'm glad we talked!! Things are not gonna be easy, but as you said, God will see us through=)) Push on my fellow sister!!! AHAHAH

On the side, really really ALL glory to God for good results=)

Hmm.. interesting talk on on the car.. Guess it really is true.. Hmm.. Glad to have great friends back here and glad that though we all don't meet often, we still have much in common. It was a good catch up over prata, riding in a car, attempting to get into timbre but deterred by the long wait. Nice knowing that there are people  who understand you and you know you can count on.

I'm glad that we are having a sleepover soon because i really do miss you guys and I really do hope that things have not changed too much. Was flipping through the ip year book just last night. Many memories flood my mind and I really am extremely glad i chose this path, not just because of not having to take Os or anything but the friendships forged, invaluable. Cliched as it may sound, I do hope we will be friends forever. All the people I care for, all those that I can connect with, I am glad our paths crossed, and I sincerely believe it happened for a reason.


Great not to be forgotten, even better not to forget.

What actually brings people together? Is it personality? Interest? Values? Goals? What do we look for in a friend? How is it that sometimes we just 'click'? Interesting how our minds work. Everything just works out so seamlessly and perfectly. Take a step back and figure why.